Tulips (a poem)
“They rested easy
knowing they would
come back after winter
—and they did.”
It’s time to let go of trying to understand, explain, wrap your head around and guard against that which has caused you so much grief, pain and heartache. There comes a time (and now is as good as any) where the best choice is to turn your gaze towards love– To instead offer your attention to something generative and good.
Have you ever undergone such a radical shift in perception that the world as you once knew it felt far, far away Perhaps dear friends or loved ones have begun to feel like strangers? Or the routines, jobs, and roles you played that once cradled you in safety now feel stale, confining, and entrapping?
tell me about home
and the coziness of her warmth
tell me all about the twinkle lights
and family dinners
the laughter.
I often find myself
skipping over moments
rich in sweetness;
Not fully present
to their goodness
in real time…
A month or so ago I was in the midst of deep grief (that really began to compound a heavy dose of self-pity, angry that I had to grieve at all). I began obsessing over the ways I’d felt broken. Misunderstood. Rejected. Unsafe. Not belonging. “I suck. I’m the worst, life isn’t fair!!!!!” is usually how these fits sound.
I was convinced life was meant to be hard. Relationships like sandpaper. Joy- fleeting Pleasure- sinful My body- bad Ease- not to be trusted Rest- earned. I crumpled up those beliefs, threw them in the fire, watched them burn bright until they were nothing and began again to claim my joy. I choose to believe Heaven was always here.
I was so honored to be invited to have a raw, honest conversation with Brenda Marie Davies, the soul behind God is Grey - a youtube channel & podcast that champions for sex positive, intellectual and affirming Chistianity. We got to speak on the ways we move through religious trauma, detaching from what we are told…
I want to be undignified.
I want to laugh loudly at the “wrong moments,”
chuckling at the social norms
that weave us together in some sort of
fabricated connection.